Think Tank

I am so ungrateful sometimes. I go to a great university where I am challenged to think. I am forced to think about everything I have ever believed in my life. If there is only one thing I learn while I am here, I want it to be how to always think for myself. Growing up, I tended to be a shy person who didn't want to stand out at all. Now, I realize how valuable it is to believe what you believe and know WHY. I was talking to someone about sweatshop labor, because she was writing a paper about it and I was helping to edit it. I was asking her about it and trying to think about it, and she said, "I don't really think about this stuff. I don't really know about it." And I was thinking, you're writing a freaking paper on it. How can you act like you don't really care? How can you say you don't think about it?

I don't want that to be me.

I can talk a good talk, but if I don't do anything, what's the point? I'm not trying to point at his girl and say, "Look at her. She doesn't care." I just realized that I do the very same thing. I talk about social justice, but I don't think about who makes my clothes. It's not some happy little factory. It could be a worker who lives on a dollar a day. But do I care? I only think about me. What's convenient, what the best deal is. What I like. Me me me me. I can talk forever about action but never actually act.

I was watching some tv with my friend Rachel tonight, and this show came on called True Beauty. I can say that this show disgusts me. Our society is so twisted. To pick a person who is shallow and consumed with themselves and call them America's most beautiful person makes me so sad. It's just frustrating. If that's what beauty is, then I must be blind.

I guess the point of all this is that I have been thinking a lot this semester. I realize that I have accepted ideas and things when I had no idea what they really mean or why I believe in them. I just want to be my own person, and be confident in that. I want to know God more too. I want to know him so much that my complete identity is in him. Not in school, or friends, myself, or my own mind. In him. I still rely too much on myself, and I want to depend solely on him.