Thursday, April 30, 2009

Stuff

So I went to make a new post, and I looked at my art link on the sidebar, and there was this gross nude picture. Blogger, when I say I want cool pictures in that little box, I mean cool pictures, not some weirdo art that no one likes.

Today, I had to finish my "spiritual memoir" paper for my class. It was kind of annoying to write, because it is a story that will never be finished, since I am always growing. Oh well. I kind of liked the assignment, kind of didn't. Mostly because I have ZERO motivation currently.

I wish I didn't procrastinate so much. I even wait too long to drink my tea. I will start doing something else, and before I know it, I have five cold cups of Earl Grey sitting around my room. It's bad. I finished my paper just in time today. As in, right before class. One of these days, I will be late and learn my lesson. Except not. Because that was my last paper of my college career. That's crazy to say. Next semester, I will be giving the assignments. And then I will spend my life grading them. That's weird.

I can't believe the semester is over in one week. I can't wait, but then I can, because that means that everything is going to change. Too overwhelming for me to think about right now.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Alone Time

I just want to have a place where I can be alone. I know this sounds so weird, but I need to be alone sometimes. I am an introvert, which means I get my energy from being alone. When you live in a dorm, you are never alone. Except for when you take a shower. Even then, you aren't really alone, because there are people in the bathroom drying their hair, or brushing their teeth. But then, when I do get alone time, sometimes I get too lonely. I don't know. I just want it to be summer. But then I don't want it to be summer, because then it means that I will be a student teacher and I won't be in college for much longer. And I love college. So you see my problem.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Sylvia Plath....

I am supposed to be writing a paper on Sylvia Plath right now. I am fascinated by her short life. She wrote The Bell Jar, which is what she is most famous for, but she also wrote some amazing poems. I am writing my paper about one of these poems. It's called "Daddy." If it sounds weird, it is.
She was obsessed with her dead father and trying to figure him out. While she was a disturbed woman, there is something so brilliant and beautiful about the way she writes. I love it. Here's the poem:

You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to kill you.
You died before I had time--
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My Polack friend

Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gipsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been scared of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You--

Not God but a swastika
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two--
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through.

Clearly, she had issues. I know, I know, why should I love this? It is such a confession, and she writes it so beautifully, yet harshly. Genius. So, I am going to try to unpack all the issues in this poem in a mere ten pages. It is going to be a late night.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Reminders

Today there was a great speaker in chapel. He talked about marriage.
It was one of the best chapels I have been to simply because of the practicality of his message. He spoke directly to the single ones in the audience, which was also helpful. He talked about looking for someone who has character and pursues godliness. Which is so true. All of us are initially attracted to looks, of course, and we forget about the important stuff at first. Like, is he going to make a good father someday? Is he going somewhere with his life? It was just good for me to be reminded of that.
He also pointed out that Proverbs 31 was originally not intended for women, but for the men of Israel. They are encouraged in that passage not be swayed by looks and charm, for "charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting." That encouraged me in my walk with Christ. I have spent a lot of time in my life putting on makeup, fixing my hair, and finding just the right outfit. Ultimately, that will all be gone. When I meet the right guy, he's going to appreciate me for my character first. I know this all sounds cliche a little bit, but it was good for me to remember all of these things.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

LoveAction

I have been thinking about social justice a lot this semester. For some reason, it has been an overarching theme in my classes. I'm glad. I realize how uninformed I have been. It all started when I researched Harriet Jacobs' Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl for a lit class paper. Then I wrote a newspaper article about it. And now I have been learning about modern slavery, child sex trafficking, and other injustices. And I have discovered what a comfortable life I lead in comparison.
I just can't believe I have been living a life of such selfishness.

Oh yeah, that's another area I'm working on.

When I think about everything I want to help with or work on, I get overwhelmed. That's why it's good to remember what one of my professors said: you can't change everything. As in, don't over commit yourself. So, I have been trying to become more educated on topics. Like modern slavery. I'm giving a speech on it tomorrow. I didn't even know that around 17,000 people are enslaved in the FREE United States. I also didn't know that wealthy American men are some of the biggest participants in the Cambodian child sex trade market. It's disgusting. And hypocritical. People live their lives the way they want to here, in comfort, and participate in the exploitation of another human being's life. Sickening.

So, if somehow, someone reads this and wants to know more, or help more, go to FreetheSlaves.net. It's an amazing website with tons of information to get you started. Also, ijm.org (International Justice Mission). They have ways to get involved too.

Lately, I can't get 1 John 3:16-18 out of my head. It exemplifies the life I want to lead. Enough with legalism and perfectionism. A life of holiness, as I have been reading in one of my classes, is a life that functions as it should, or was designed to. 1 John reads 3 reads,
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for one another. If any one of you has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in you? Dear children, let us not love in words or tongue, but with actions and in truth."
Don't lie to yourself and say you can't do anything to help. The truth of the problem is staring at us. We can help to overcome the problems of social injustice.